Dear Tatiana:
How does one make new friends as an adult if they don’t go to church? I’m a single mom of 2, introverted and in need of some friends.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Single or married, introverted or extroverted, feelings of loneliness and social isolation are common for many adults. You are not alone. Social media frequently compounds those feelings by creating a skewed sense of reality and inappropriate expectations of what our lives are “supposed to look like.”
When selecting opportunities to create increased social interactions in your life, be intentional and patient. Select two or three activities that you have an interest in. You are more likely to find members of “your tribe” when you are true to yourself and do what you love, instead of pursuing where you feel like you “should be.” Atlanta offers everything from running, hiking, game night, book to garden clubs. (Meetup is a great resource to find these things in your community www.meetup.com.) Volunteer opportunities are another great way to connect with like-minded adults who are passionate about common causes. Be prepared to attend multiple events over an extended period of time to build rapport with others.
If you find it difficult to assert yourself in a social way at these venues, remember “practice makes better.” Make a commitment to feel the feelings of discomfort related to saying “hello” or engaging in conversation, but do it anyways. Systematic desensitization improves social functioning.
If you believe you may lack the social awareness or communication skills, seek out therapy to assist you. Those skills may not come naturally, but they can be learned.
Do you have a question for Tatiana? Learn more about her weekly Aha! Advice column here.
