Dear Tatiana,
My parents are getting a divorce after 40 years. How do I tell my five year old?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Use the least amount of words to express the facts in a simple and age appropriate way. Don’t provide too much information and respond to any questions in a similar fashion. Be prepared to provide emotional and physical comfort depending on the needs of the child.
The conversation may sound something like this, “Grandma and Grandpa have decided together that they don’t want to be married anymore. When adults decide that it is called getting a ‘divorce.’ Grandma and Grandpa are going to be living in separate homes. Things are going to be different, but they love you very much and will always be your Grandma and Grandpa. That doesn’t change.”
If the child doesn’t respond with any questions, you can ask them if they have any. If they do not, remind them they can ask you questions later. If they ask you a question that is too complex for a response in the moment, remember it’s always OK to say, “I need to think about that, let’s talk about that (in an hour, tonight, tomorrow.)” Make sure you come back to it. Remember this is not a one-time conversation. Be prepared to check in with your little one on occasion until everyone becomes accustomed to the new normal.
Best,
Do you have a question for Tatiana? Learn more about her weekly Aha! Advice column here.
Contact:
Tatiana Matthews, LPC
tatiana@theahaconnection.com
