Tatiana Answers: How Long After Divorce or Death of a Spouse Should You Wait to Date?

Dear Tatiana,

How soon after a divorce or death of a spouse is it appropriate to start dating?   Is the answer different based on whether or not you have kids and how old they are?   I’m asking for a couple of friends with different situations.  It just seems like the older we get the more adult friends we have that are parenting alone and are lonely for adult companionship.  

Signed,

Asking for lonely friends with teenagers

Dear Lonely Friends with Teenagers,

Loneliness stinks! With that being said, the rule of thumb is 12 months. (It’s longer for some.) Here’s why. When our brain experiences a traumatic event, it’s functioning can be negatively impacted. Our ability to focus, concentrate, navigate and emotionally regulate is impaired. All of that impacts decision-making. Delaying dating until things have stabilized can increase the likelihood of selecting a healthy and meaningful relationship. If we have unfinished business, we typically find ourselves attracted to those we get to play out our hurts with.

Best,

Tatiana Matthews LPC

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Contact:

Tatiana Matthews LPC
tatiana@theahaconnection.com